This week’s Jersey Shore marked the departure of Sammi “Sweetheart” Giancola. A permanent exist, we think – and hope – after the fight to end all fights.
As much as we aren’t sorry to see her go, we’ll give her this much – she went out in style after a blowout with Ronnie Magro that exceeded even their standards.
This comprised most of the memorable Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from the episode, as we’ve broken down, as always, in our trademark +/- recap below:
BOILING POINT: Ron wants Sam’s stuff out of here … with her on top of it.
Ronnie confronts The Situation for violating guy code. Funny how, like Sammi pointing the finger at JWoww and Snooki, they always blame others. Minus 5.
Able to see the big picture (take note, Ron), Sitch “takes the high road” and apologize to ensure it doesn’t end in a brawl. Plus 4 for his surprising maturity.
He hits the boardwalk to cool off, unaware that Sammi is also heading there with Deena, who “loves single Sammi!” Who loves anything Sammi!? Minus 6.
Sam tells Ron that she’s “never been so hurt” in her entire life as she was in Miami. Ron politely tells her he’s done paying for that and to suck it. Plus 8.
“I’m going to go out there and find the hottest guy in this bar and get Ron back for talking to a girl,” says Sam. Minus 5 for sounding like a petulant, whiny b!tch andMinus 12 for the fact that the “hottest guy” may be a homeless man.
Plus 11 for JWoww’s porn star getup here:
SEXY JWOWW: Snooki likely isn’t the only one with wood.
Snooki: “Jenni looks so hot. Like porn star hot. If Roger wasn’t here then I would probably have sex with her.” Snooki may actually be a man. Plus 8.
She actually asks if she can watch, too. Gross. Minus 5.
Roger sums it up nicely: “Awright, let’s go push.” Plus 9.
Ronnie: “What I did in Miami, at least I had enough respect for you to do it when you’re not around.” He’s right, that totally makes it better. Minus 6.
Pauly notes that Ronnie has kind of a temper. That’s like saying Pauly has kind of awesome hair or The Situation kind of has a six pack. Plus 9.
Things boil over between Ronnie and Sammi to the point where they both have to be physically restrained. Minus 5, because this is just getting sad.
Until Ronnie starts TRASHING HER STUFF and threatening to start boning up a storm with girls in the smash room. Now that’s more like it. Plus 27.
Minus 20, though, for Ron being borderline abusive. Entertaining as the show is, no matter what a girl puts you through, nothing excuses this rage.
Extra Minus 9 for Snooki’s bed/stairway/Vinny schlong analogy, too.
SAYING GOODBYE: It’s been real, Sam. Please don’t come back.
Sitch: “This was probably the worst fight I’ve ever seen. Like a five-car crash; horrible, but you can’t keep your eyes off it. Plus 15, ’cause it’s true.
Minus 9 for this metaphor by MTV: “Everything is destroyed of mine,” she says. “Everything is broken and ruined.” Her emotions AND her stuff! Get it??!
The roommates hug it out as Sammi departs. We’re actually a little bit sad saying farewell to one of the original cast members. Minus 7. Okay, that’s over.
Pauly at least hollered “Cab’s Here!” in honor of her exit. Plus 8.
Ronnie: “I miss her and I love her and I definitely regret all the negative $h!t I’ve ever done. Definitely more now than ever.” Aww. But WE don’t! Plus 9.
